Should be sleeping....

Well here it is 3am, and I am still sitting here awake.....having so many things running through my mind. Today was a ok day. It was Super bowl day. Packers against Steelers, Packers won. I went to my Parents house. My dad and sister were at work when I got there so it was just my mom and there long time friend Ray. I didn't get there till after kick off because I didn't want to get out of bed. This was after 3pm.....reason for this is because of my headaches and not knowing what the reason is for them. Andrew is in Nashville TN for a work conference till Tuesday. I miss him like crazy and I am very lonely,but he will be home soon I just wish he would call me or text me more. Anyways getting back to the Super bowl and my parents house. Things were going ok, my mom and Ray had been drinking beer and talking and watching the game with me, Ray was talking none stop....I wanted to put a zipper on his lips, but anyways. I hadn't eaten anything so went to get some chips and dip. I sat at the table in the kitchen to eat some chips and take a break from Ray...that didn't work he followed me. My mom came in the kitchen when he wasn't in there and thanked me for coming over because he was there. He was getting on my nerve's! Ray brought some food over some potato salad, a few sub sandwiches and jalapeno coleslaw, my dad got home around 6:15ish and Lyndsey got home around 730ish we ate except Lyndsey around 8ish. By then my mom and Ray had quite a bit of beer. Ray and Lyndsey were talking about something and he was starting to get nasty with her and it was getting to me so I butted in and said Ray why don't you just go and eat, because he was fixing his sandwich....no he had come back at me and say Lyndsey and I were having a conversation and you weren't in it, and I said well this is our house., then my mom butted in and "Jess". So Ray got ll mad at me for sticking up for my sister and walked outside I cant even remember what he was saying to her it was just so stupid!!!! To boot my parents were in the other room just sitting there letting him say this to her and not saying a DAMN thing!!!! How can parents sit there and let there friend in their house cut their daughter down, I just don't get it. My dad oh he was just teasing her, teasing or no teasing it was uncalled for. Even Lyndsey said to me Jess he does this to me all the time and I get him back most of the time, MOST the time, AND she is USED to it???? WHAT the HELL is wrong here???? She doesn't need that bullshit on top of what she already deals with. My mom was drunk tonight that she was stumbling around and she had even had to lay down after Ray left around 9pm when the game ended, she said she had a headache from him talking so loud, and he does, he gave me a headache...OHHH and he got on me about saying that Michael Jackson killed himself and that he was a homo and all this other bullshit...it just pissed me off. What really pissed me the most was the Lyndsey thing with my parents not doing anything and then brushing it off as it was nothing. I see where I fit into this family now.....I don't! I am a outcast and I always will be. Ever since my Poppie passed away I am really nothing to anyone besides when they need me to "talk" to my mom about her drinking. Well my dad said something to me tonight that kinda hurt. When was saying that Ray was just teasing Lyndsey, he said that Lyndsey knows him and that I don't. Well maybe that is true now but I used know him from before Lyndsey was even born. I just wish I know why my family is the it was and I wish I could fix it, but I cant. I think I just need to walk away....as hard as that is.